I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
