you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
