I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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