I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize