I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize