that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
