I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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