I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is an emotional support booty call
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
