I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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