Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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