I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
