she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just google imaged poop.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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