Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
