Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you traded sex for a burrito?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The ass gains better be worth it
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