just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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