I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
