when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
