Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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