Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
