I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
