so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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