Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Your penis caused this!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
