We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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