I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
