i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
