Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
