I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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