I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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