I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
