well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
