i was born a porn star she said
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
