with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
