I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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