Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
