My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize