Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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