im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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