My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
