I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
