thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
