my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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