I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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