you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
