I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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