I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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