no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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