youre lurking in front of me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize