Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
