I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
