So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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