Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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