I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
