Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
