Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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