They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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