you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
