I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
