he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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