and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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