what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
