Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize