Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
