He uses pillows to masturbate.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize