Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
