So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
