I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
